shades of grey;

TINGXUAN [ EMAIL ]
The University of Melbourne
more details HERE

Wednesday, May 03, 2006
PAIN.

Thanks messenger and yingxian for informing me that devastating news. Yes, my dear fellow junior just left us this morning. I was somewhat affected by the news, and felt a tinge of bitterness.

It brought me back to a lot of memories. It's painful to have someone so close to you, leaving for another world you can never reach out for. Both my grandmothers passed away last year. I remember so vividly how they would nag and laughed at my silly-ness.

One of which whom stayed with me for more than 10 years, and each time we have our family overseas trip with the rest of my cousins and relatives, i was always given the responsibility to take care of her because i choose to share a room with my dear grandmother. I will never forget how she used to wash her golden tooth and leave it in a cup, half filled with water.

Never would i expect her to leave us so quickly because i know she's living a healthy lifestyle. That one night, she experienced high blood pressure gushing up to her head, and in split seconds, she vomitted blood. We called for our family doctor, and i remember, i was still upstairs studying for social studies in my study room. The next moment, she was admitted to the hospital, and straight away into the INTENSIVE CARE UNIT.

She laid motionless on the bed for days. Her heartbeat fluctuates and it even stopped beating for at least three times. All 20 of us ( grandchildren ) frequent trips down to Gleneagles Hospital straight after school to talk to her. I couldn't help but cry each time i stood beside her and tell her that i'm here, please wake up. I cried like shit, and every morning, friends would start asking me why are my eyes so small and swollen.

Finally, on a thursday, while i was having chemistry practical, i received an urgent call and sms from my mom, asking me to rush down to the hospital immediately. I cried, i was helpless, i rushed out of school, and took a cab back home to fetch my little sister and brother to the hospital. My mom called me on the way, and told me that grandma's heartbeat just stopped and came back for three times. I got scared, and hurried the taxi driver. If only i could turn back time.

Soon enough, everyone arrived. I went to talk to grandma for the last time. Her heart rate was no longer 80 and above. It dropped radically to only 60. I cried, i sighed. All my uncles/aunts/mom/dad/cousins all gathered in the small room, tearing silently at the back. My dad and uncles in particular, were crying and banging their heads on the door, just outside the common area. I never knew what to do, because for all i know, i was crying too.

At 6:17 pm sharp, we all heard a loud beep. Yes, her heart rate fell and decreased to ZERO in less than ten seconds. She's gone, now and forever. I can never have the chance to talk to her ever again. It did affect me in my preliminary examinations. Sigh, regrets.

Before i thought my life would be back in order, my maternal grandmother was admitted to the hospital too. She is one other important person in my life. She took care of me since i was young. She left us peacefully late at night. I'm in no mood to elaborate any further because i'm tearing whilst updating. ):

We only live life once. Cherish, treasure.



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