shades of grey;

The University of Melbourne
more details HERE

Saturday, December 23, 2006
an easy word to say.
everything ended when it's perth/uk & melbourne

Honestly, it's more than just hurt done.
It's bucket of tears everyday, every minute.
I may appear strong & pretend that i'm perfectly fine.
But is that me..?
So all along, what was it?
you may forget all about it easily, but i can't.

Though i met up with quite a lot of ppl today,
i don't feel a tinge of happiness,
& neither do i smile from the heart.
Sorry for crying if you people see tears just flowing down anytime.
I'm torn apart & my heart will ache for a long time to come.

what else can i say?
i feel totally worthless & failed.
yes i know, find back the old ting who used to be bubbly & confident.
but i'm sorry; because it'll never happen.
turning point before turning 18?

As much as you want me to forget you, you know i wont.
so stop asking me to forget you.
because you've been the best thing that happened to me.
i'd never regretted any moment since february.
& now, i would want to engrave these memories deep inside.
those beautiful/sweet memories you left me with.
just remember, it's not your fault that this happened.
Because it really isn't.
We were once happy & loved by each other, no doubt.
But when Fate denies, we can't do much.
I don't blame you,
I'll still respect whatever decisions you make.
you're not selfish, because everyone says love is selfish.
but do know i'm always there for you, always.
i loved you, & it stays.

All i wish for now, is for god to make him happy all over again.
Erase his pain/troubles & the scar that hit him hard.
I never want or wish to see him unhappy,
because it hurts to see him so pessimistic about life.
If uk/perth allows him to start everything afresh,
i'd rather leave him so i'll see a truly happy him.

My one&only eighteenth birthday wish: free him from everything bad so that he'll be a much happier person.

So the bottomline is, i-have-to-be-strong right?
It's back to square one: always easier said than done.

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